Friday, January 18, 2008

all glory to HIM

Praise the LORD.
Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness!

I have been holding back. There’s a dark secret, a fact about myself that I have been too ashamed to write about here. Too embarrassed. Too guilty.

But on Wednesday this week, Jesus did something amazing. He intervened on my behalf in an incredibly loving, purposeful way. I just wanted to SHOUT HIS PRAISE everywhere. But for you to know how GLORIOUS God is, you need to know the whole story, my darkest secrets. But above all, you need to know that the LORD IS AMAZING.

So here goes… I have a wonderful wife, but there are still times when my mind wanders. X-rated television shows. Masturbation. Fantasies. I have heard that this is not uncommon, but I also know that God has told me to stop. There are probably a lot of reasons why you can look poorly on this behavior, but for me it has been an act of open defiance… blatant disobedience to God.

I have confessed. I have been forgiven. But the pattern continued. On Wednesday this week, alone in the house, I turn on the TV to the movie channel that shows X-rates shows after dark. I want to change the channel, but I can’t. I want to turn the TV off, but I don’t. I want to get up and walk away, but I am fixated. But somehow, I get the strength to say “Jesus, I really need your help.”

And then it happened.

We lost our cable connection.

It just shut down. The TV went dark, and then rebooted. All I could think was, how great is our God? That with all that’s going on in this world, he hears us when we call. He is ready and willing to intervene on our behalf.

I share this with you for two reasons. You need to know that GOD is REAL, GOD is HERE, and GOD is SIMPLY AMAZING.

Secondly, for all of us who suffer from addictions or sins or behaviors we want to change – we don’t need to do it alone. We don’t need the strength to stop ourselves. We don’t need to be as poetic as David, who cries, “come to my relief… preserve my life… answer me quickly, O LORD, my spirit fails.” We only need the strength to ask for help. Just ask.

For Jesus says:
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

All glory to Him!


Anonymous said...

lost the cable connection...that was soooo cool! God is so cool!

good be reminded that we all have our addictions and this was very helpful. and even a little ammusing in how God helped by clicking off the cable.

Anonymous said...

good reminder to ask for the help as all seriousness.

sacred vapor said...

thank you for being honest brother. It is brave of you to mention your struggles and also a reminder that we are all in need of Jesus' help all the time, not just some of the time... all of the time.

wilsonian said...

There isn't much that feels better than living a transparent life. Thank you for trusting us with yourself :)

Holding you up to the Light, brother Ed.

Kansas Bob said...

I am speechless Ed.. this post just knocked my socks off.. your transparency WOWS me. Thank you for trusting us with your heart!

You might be interested in three of my older posts: Eye Covenant, Identity and Control cover my journeys in this area.

Blessings, Bob

Barbara said...

Ed, thanks for your encouragement to me on what I've been talking about lately.

I also thank you for being open. Not often do we hear the "dark secrets of others" but it seems that lots of times rather than causing some sort of judgment or something, it actually draws people closer BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE STUFF IN OUR LIVES!

VERY COOL illustration of how good God is and how real his intervention and answers to prayer can be...that must have really been a powerful moment!

TK said...

God is good all the time. Thanks for sharing your struggles Ed. Know that even in your struggles you are an encouragement; an encouragement in your honesty and in your ability to point to God.


Ed G. said...

i think before i could trust in y'all i needed to get over the hurdle in trusting in myself... and because God can literally put his arms around us and say, yeah, you mess up sometimes, but you're still wonderful and i still love you... he makes it so easy for us to believe that we are really created in his image.