Wednesday, October 24, 2007

rule #1: you do not talk about fight club

Tyler Durden: How's that working out for you?
Narrator: What?
Tyler Durden: Being clever.
Narrator: Great.
Tyler Durden: Keep it up then.

I started getting serious about my walk with Christ about six years ago. And if I were truly honest with myself, I would have to admit that my heart has grown over this time. I certainly DO more – whether it be spending time with local seniors, handicapped children, church ministries or giving money to church and charities. But I am not really sure that I FEEL more. And I know with certainty that I am often not willing to SHARE many of the feelings I do have.

Some may be surprised by this. I certainly have emotions – I feel for people in need, I can get angry and frustrated quite easily, and the ending of many a movie will bring tears to my eyes. But few of these feelings are long lasting – just as quickly as I can wipe a tear from my eye, I am on to the next thing, rarely looking back.

More often, I present a fa├žade – using cleverness, intellect, analysis and organizational skills to create a wall around my heart. In fact, I started this blog to HONE those skills – to see if I could focus my brain on matters that were meaningful to Christ.

This is certainly how I am wired. Back in August, TK sent me a link to a personality test, and my profile included terms like strategic, intellectual and logical. Good stuff, right!

But over the past few weeks, I’ve been hearing voices pulling me in another direction. At church this month, we’re being encouraged to go a bit deeper. As it says in Proverbs: The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out.

And last week, Kansas Bob left the following comment: Most of us long to hear those transparent and vulnerable heart stories... but sadly we only get to read the brainy ones.

But the truth is, brainy is safe. While the heart can be dark… and disturbing… an unsettling. More on this topic next week (maybe)… but for now, one more quote from one of my favorite movies.

Tyler Durden: It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything

5 comments:

wilsonian said...

I'm looking forward to meeting the other parts of you, Ed. Many can tell stories of the head. You're the only one who has been given these stories of the heart...

NaNcY said...

i think you share wonderfully!

TK said...

Hey,

very nice use of the wisdom of Tyler Durden.

When I have seen/heard/read you at your best you are being brainy and heartfelt. God wired you with tremendous gifts. So remember:

Uncle Ben: Remember, with great power. comes great responsibility.

Ed G. said...

Erin & Nancy. Thank you for your encouragement... this is a journey, so we'll see where it goes. (Just like when I write a piece of fiction, once I get started, I'm not always sure how it's going to end.)

TK - my first thought was "why is that rice guy talking about responsibility"?? But don't worry... didn't take me too long to figure out!

Kelli Standish said...

Ed,
May God give you courage to unveil all He wants the world to see. And the wisdom to guard the pearls of your heart for the right times, seasons, and audiences.

I'm cheering you on, and thank you for your note on my blog,

Kelli