tired of being tired

I never thought I would be so tired at 22.
- Jules

When Demi Moore’s character bottoms out in St. Elmo’s Fire, she talks about being tired. Tired beyond reason. I’ve been tired for the past few weeks (it happens sometimes) and what I’ve come to realize is that there is a strong correlation between the times I am tired, and the times I feel more distant from God. So it made me wonder:

1. Do I get tired… and then spend less time with God because I am struggling just to get through the day-to-day? Or…
2. Do I drift away from God… and that distance then causes me to feel tired?

In my head, I act like the first answer is true. I may wake up a few minutes late, then decide to skip bible reading… or prayer time… or both… just so I don’t fall too far behind on my day.

But my heart tells me that the second is probably more accurate. I make some decisions on priorities… or take some liberties with my relationship with God… and suddenly life starts becoming more of a chore… a series of connected events with no rest or peace.

Perhaps there is a bit of truth in both… which explains why I sometimes find myself in a downward spiral… tired… then distant… then more tired… then more distant.

And then it happens. You wake up and say today’s the day we are going to start over. I felt that way late this morning, and this evening on the way home from work I stopped off at church to say hello (sounds silly, but for me the effort counted for something). And tonight, I feel a bit better. And tomorrow will be better still.

So I log off early, called to lie down in green pastures, beside quiet waters, where He will restore my soul. For my Lord has said: My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.

Amen.