today

embarrased
i sit under his tent, afraid to raise my head.

disappointed
after all the help he provided, i failed again.

afraid
when do i reach the point where i will no longer be welcomed?

comforted
that point may be out there, but it is not today.

determined
to get past this… to demonstrate my love.

starting
a new day. and the sun is already shining.

my most precious resource

The headline on msnbc.com today did not come as a surprise. “Study: drivers lose five days a year to traffic jams”.

Time is such a precious resource. Or so it seems. Recently, I have taken to driving the back roads to work. Not because it saves you any time, but the idea of going 10 miles an hour on a winding road somehow is more pleasing that going 5 miles an hour on the parking lot known as the Merritt Parkway.

Overall, the study reports, drivers languish 4.2 billion hours in traffic delays every year. And that’s not commuting time, mind you, that’s sitting-in-traffic-looking-at-bumpers time.

What are we not doing because of traffic? Hmmm. Recently my friend Kevin finished his MBA program, and was trying to figure out what he would do with an extra 15 hours a week. A month later, he wasn’t figuring anymore. Not that he could point to anything different he was doing, but that extra 15 hours somehow got sucked up. I guess time is simply the lone sock in the laundry of our life – it disappears, it shows up, and we get through the day either way.

I used to think of time as a resource. I’m sure that if you opened a Bible there would be pages and pages on time management… but after doing some digging, I’m thinking now that maybe time isn’t this “precious resource” after all… perhaps it’s just an excuse. As in “I would do this if I only had the time…” and “sorry, can’t find the time.”

So am I really losing five days a year to traffic jams? I guess not. For if there was something I really wanted to do, I am sure I could find the time.

The word “time” does appear in the Bible (NIV) over 900 times… but most of those mentions are references of measurement (the second time) or transitional (at that time). In fact, throughout the whole Bible, the idea that time as a resource is only mentioned three times.

When God’s people were driven out of Egypt, they ate unleavened bread. Why? They didn’t have the time. No time… no problem.

And in Ecclesiastes we are reminded… “there is a time for everything.”

Paul does write about “making the most of your time” in Ephesians 5:15. And I guess that’s pretty good advice. But do you know what I really think? God doesn’t care much about time either way. Heh, he’s got all of eternity. Jesus never seems rushed... and he knew he was on a deadline, too. Maybe its because he also knew that everything will happen at the appointed time. (Or, maybe because he didn't have to drive the Merritt). Hmmm.

Like a Dove

At that time Jesus came from Nazareth in Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. As Jesus was coming up out of the water, he saw heaven being torn open and the Spirit descending on him like a dove. (Mark 1: 9-10)

This past Sunday, my wife and I stood over our youngest child and proclaimed, 'We baptize you in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spitit.' Yes, this was a good day. Thank you Kris and Tracie for the photos! Praise the Lord!

tired of being tired

I never thought I would be so tired at 22.
- Jules

When Demi Moore’s character bottoms out in St. Elmo’s Fire, she talks about being tired. Tired beyond reason. I’ve been tired for the past few weeks (it happens sometimes) and what I’ve come to realize is that there is a strong correlation between the times I am tired, and the times I feel more distant from God. So it made me wonder:

1. Do I get tired… and then spend less time with God because I am struggling just to get through the day-to-day? Or…
2. Do I drift away from God… and that distance then causes me to feel tired?

In my head, I act like the first answer is true. I may wake up a few minutes late, then decide to skip bible reading… or prayer time… or both… just so I don’t fall too far behind on my day.

But my heart tells me that the second is probably more accurate. I make some decisions on priorities… or take some liberties with my relationship with God… and suddenly life starts becoming more of a chore… a series of connected events with no rest or peace.

Perhaps there is a bit of truth in both… which explains why I sometimes find myself in a downward spiral… tired… then distant… then more tired… then more distant.

And then it happens. You wake up and say today’s the day we are going to start over. I felt that way late this morning, and this evening on the way home from work I stopped off at church to say hello (sounds silly, but for me the effort counted for something). And tonight, I feel a bit better. And tomorrow will be better still.

So I log off early, called to lie down in green pastures, beside quiet waters, where He will restore my soul. For my Lord has said: My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.

Amen.